I recently was confronted by my peers during a conference with my own development over the last 20 years or thereabout. In discussions my insights, developed during this period, got a foothold with those for academia from which I was side lined. I had the odd job in a range between production line activity and teaching, but mostly in a voluntary position. A leading position as member of the board/secretary for an art house cinema being in conversion towards a more commercial facility, was in the mix too. Even teaching… (i.e. computer support for people at a mental health institute) encompassed a range from people not having a clue, to academic prowess. I had to adapt my explaining and lessons on the spot, as the mental state of my pupils demanded it.

Although the lack of capacity to obtain a paid position somewhere was initiated by a clinical depression, this was in a way maintained by the public health system. I encountered stigmatisation and social support not being accustomed to a person who has needs beyond the scope of societal understanding. This makes people helping you actually being the force keeping you from personal development. For a number of years now, I understand my own position in these dynamics and try to find a way out. In 2019 I attended a conference BIAS from Radboud University Nijmegen on the subject of AI-development. So, Recently I continued my endeavour, after a gap created by SARS-Co-V2 shenanigans and visited the 3^rd LITHME conference at Campus Fryslân.

I’ve been meeting a lot of very interesting people who like to understand human communicative explorations. Speech being the main difference between us humans and other animals. But I’d digress when elaborating. I’ve met myself in others the past years and it made me realise that I’ve ‘matured’ in a sense. In my communications via social media and other ways, I’d already reached the conclusion that my existential view could be defined by nihilism… However, this doesn’t mean that nothing matters in that sense. Indeed, in a way it wouldn’t, but it also makes everything matter equally. So, I often explain it for being positive nihilism. During my encounter with an in my opinion very intelligent person and enjoying her company in a leisurely fashion while explaining my worldview, my friend called me a philosopher instead of biologist.

I have to agree with the philosopher part. As there’s a difference between being a philosophy student or scholar and a philosopher per se. Of course, at some point I tried philosophy for size, but I got bored by the concepts that were presented and the worldviews that were somehow being subscribed to personal acclaim. For me they were basically: ‘Oh yes, that thought crossed my mind at some point’ and then you have to make yourself acquainted with the historical settings and context for this to have popped up.

I do not agree with the analysis of not being a biologist. Biology is my frame of reference. Understanding organismal behaviour in all its aspects besides the communication that’s needed for an entity to maintain or even develop as such, deeply intrigues me.

We use speech (and the symbolism that’s connected to it) to exchange information pertaining to keeping our individual homeostasis or organismal chemical stability. As you might understand there’s nothing of a stasis about it, but one can recognise values that shouldn’t exceed or get below particular measurable values. Most of them have to do with proteins and their functionality, which are considered biomolecules. But as an organism, we aren’t sessile but move around. We are able to anticipate changes because of it by means of sensory perception and a complex memory system. Although most of us don’t realise it, most of our memory lies outside ourselves. We keep being reminded by the environment or habitat we occupy, recalling and restructuring what we know. This exchange between organisms, their habitat and subsequent underlying systemics as a process, is the main focus of my interest. Yet, it boils down to us sharing food, keeping each other safe and procreate and me asking why and how all the time.

So basically, curiosity is what drives me. I know it often having the effect of detaching me from myself and my own organismal needs. I’m also prone to pull emotive aspects and information intrinsic to communications apart. As such I will see the story it makes up as well as the message for communicative interactions it entails. This is the nihilistic approach, but for me the (human) values remain, because I will not deny what they are or how they are appreciated. This even puts me on the spot of what made human communication a conundrum for me. People create their own values and adhere to them, referenced by the emotions that induced them to do so. Storytelling, sharing, synchronising behaviour, whether it’s by means of music, movies, books or just the interactions we exchange making up society itself, it’s constructed values to me. I cannot really adhere to them myself, but for practical purposes or personal values. My only real personal value is joy… Pleasure is my measurement and motivator for life. I love to fill the questions of why and how.

So, my own personal values often don’t coincide with those of others. The only constant is the kind needed to survive and we often don’t even agree on that. But I can and always will agree to no agreement, if either of our values won’t result in destructive behavioural consequences. And yes… as long as yours won’t be destructive as such, I will respect your beliefs, insights and opinions. In curiosity I’ll remain interested.

I hope to fill my site with all kinds of adjacent items and things I find interesting. If you share my curiosity, you’re welcome. If you enjoy it as sheer malarkey… same thing… just enjoy.

Faye (2023-05-21)