It’s this kind of affliction which doesn’t really know a diagnosis. Personally I don’t like vagueness. The pains are real. The fatigue is real. The relation with stressing times making it worse are real. What is also real, is all the kinds of bodily problems one can have resembling the affliction. Besides that there are all kinds of suggested remedies to at least subdue symptoms. Everybody you talk to, knowing of similar problems by friends, family or themselves seem to know some behaviour or medication giving relief.

I cannot say I have tried them all, but I tried a lot. Not because of those suggestions, but by finding my own path. I need to be convinced of their logic before finding those people who can confirm or contradict the line of thinking. Sometimes I know the answer before this line of thinking is checked. In a way it’s a relief… I am sane. It also makes a person quite lonely. 

I must say that I also think it’s a challenge. It appeals to my analytical prowess. Besides that, there is the internet. Although one has to sift through all kinds of junk, illogical thinking and alternate ‘facts’, there is alway a train of thoughts to verify. Like using it as an additional memory, without it really being you own memory. I enjoy that. I also understand it sets me apart, because in a way it is using academic behaviour, without ‘publish’. Personally, I don’t mind ‘perish’. The world as it is, is academically chasing its own tail. Besides I can’t be self centered as that.  People can use my ideas as their own. No need of reference and no need of reviewing. I believe in trial and error, even within sharing ideas. But I digress.

This morning I got convinced by analysing my memory of the development of my fibromyalgic symptoms and its behaviour. There is a connection with other bodily problems. I’ve always had slight problems in stressed situations from when I was a child. Well… most people do. But I remember painful eye muscles and wrists as well as fatigue from a young age. Besides that more recently upper body exercise and common virus infections resulted in muscles and joints aching. In time passing It seems to work its way down, from neck, upper back, lower back, hips and legs. 

At the same time, I had this annoying occurrence of neural ‘blockings’ which more or less subsided, but also have lasting effects. The blockings were apparent in an upper left leg insensitivity and muscle pain. Left arm brachial plexus problems, like pain, tingling and losing strength. Cluster head aches and left eye visual migraines. Most of it subsided, sometimes flaring up again. Some of it stayed. Most prominent is Horner’s syndrome which effects largely subsided, but is most apparent when stressed or when I am tired. Interestingly it didn’t stop in facial effects, but it makes my entire right side sweat more. 

So… all this had me thinking. And one thing that really fascinated me is that muscle/joint problems were less when I slept a lot. Up to 15 per 24 hours. Personally, I think there is a problem with my sympathetic nerve system. A problem mainly apparent when stressed. It also seems to progress in times of stress. Due to my autism that happens a lot. Any change in things expected gives anxiety. Axiety gives me signals to avoid the situation. Often non negotiable in nature, although I mentally override that. This gives me stress and a feeling of always having to fight myself. It makes me doing things when I can and not when people want me to. So I am either fighting me or others. And eventually it hurts. I try to be relaxed about it… 🙂